Merde. Eagles 27, Redskins 17

Lots of people hate going to the doctor's office, but I really, really hate it. I hate being examined, prodded, and whatevered. I hate feeling like I'm gonna pass out when they take blood or how I have a quasi-panic attack when the pressure on my arm grows. I hate it. But when they have me waiting in the lobby for 45 minutes, and then waiting an hour in the examination room, I'm thinking, just like Stringer Bell in "The Wire" before he met his demise, "get on with it, motherf*****!"

That's how I felt at 8:30 last night. All by myself on my couch in my Gary Clark jersey, with an open Stella Artois bottle, watching all the pageantry and nonsense and graphics that go into a Monday Night Football broadcast right before kickoff. They've come to celebrate and broadcast our shame/demise/descent. We're gonna lose, even if we put up a good fight and get some crazy breaks and keep it close until the 4th. Its gonna be torture like usual. It sucks getting excited and then having our hopes dashed. So can we kick this thing off already? Get on with it, motherf*****!

And sure enough, five plays into the game, DeSean Jackson (that little WR who is awesome and competent and was drafted after Idiot Thomas) took an end around 60 something yards for a touchdown. 7-0.

The offense started out nice with a bootleg pass to the right to Cooley for a gain of 18. But Portis had nowhere to run, and the other passes to Cooley were too short or Campbell dropped the snap, or other shit like. Then Campbell went back to pass on a short drop and tried to throw a slant, but the right side of the line had collapsed, the ball popped up, and Witherspoon intercepted it and scored a touchdown.

The Eagles acquired Witherspoon last week, and the Redskins acquired Levi Jones. Witherspoon starts at linebacker, gets two turnovers and a touchdown while Levi Jones stands on the sidelines in his pretty new jersey. I'm pretty sure that if Levi Jones spent 365 days resting on a sofa, and on day 366 competed for a starting offensive tackle position against Stephon Heyer, Jones would win easily. And I've never seen Jones play.

So it was 14-0 and the Skins came out with two good runs by Portis to finish the first quarter. On the next play, Campbell left the pocket running to his left. Run it your damn self, I yelled. Instead he pulled his arm back like he was about to throw and he got sacked and stripped. A long field goal made it 17-0.

"'When I got outside the pocket, I was going to take a shot deep to 'Tana,'" Campbell said. 'Usually I would try to tuck that ball and run it, but I can't run, so the guy ended up stripping the ball from behind. Great play by him.'"

An illegal block penalty gave the Skins great field position, and Campbell made a couple of good throws to Moss and Sleepy Davis to get us down the field. Cartwright made a nice shotgun run as well. On second and goal, Sherm Lewis called a nice play that got Idiot Thomas alone in the back of the end zone and Campbell found him for the score.

That was nice. We had a little sip of hope and I had some big chugs of beer. The defense stuffed them with a 3 and out. But then Randle El let the punt him in the goddamn face. The Eagles kicked a field goal and it was 20-7.

The Skins couldn't do diddly poo on offense so they punted again. On Third and 18, I was looking forward to maybe getting one more chance to score before halftime. Instead, Carlos Rogers bit hard on a double move and McNabb found Jackson again for a long pass.

Late in the game, Campbell found Sleepy Davis for short touchdown, but this followed several humiliatingly inept drives, including one that ended inside the 10 on fourth down because Rabach couldn't snap the ball past his own ass.




***
Things I think I said during and after the game:

• Just hit me in the head with a hammer
• Joey, I'm 31 years old . . . (shakes head, drink beer)
• Joey, Obama is a president, but he is also a man. There are no women presidents even though they make up half of the country. We should select a woman president to be president along side Obama (referring to complaints that Obama doesn't play basketball with women)
• No, I wasn't crying, but my blackened heart is
  

***

Delusional Corner

• 2-5 3 game winning streak. 5-5. Just like that, people.
• In 2001, I went to the Skins-Seahawks game that they won to go 3-5. I was psyched after that. Psyched for 3-5. Skins will be 3-5 after beating Atlanta in 2 weeks, and I'll be psyched about that too!

***

Chris Cooley dyed his hair blonde, and then broke his leg. He tried to change direction on a passing route and the thing gave way. He'll be out several weeks, and Zorn said that he'll probably put him on IR.

So, if we were to travel back in time, and you were to say to me, Hey, Dan--check it. Samuels, Thomas, and Cooley are all gonna be out of the lineup with season ending injuries at the bye, I'd say, oh, so I guess we're going to suck this year. No fair.

I didn't take any pictures or video of me watching the game. All you need to do is imagine a bunch of empty beer bottles and slouched sad man who occasionally curses at the TV about the parentage of certain Philadelphia Eagles and referees and who occasionally punches the coach and pillows.

I love that someone brought this sign to the game. Its a miserable season, all facets of the team are under attack or are performing poorly. But this sign shows that the dedication persists, like Ted Kennedy liked to say: the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die.

Say What! A Little Pre-Game Redskins Roundtable

Dad posted an article about Redskins fans bailing on the team, like the industrialists and entrepreneurs that bail on society in Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged." http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/25/AR2009102502646.html?referrer=emailarticle

Dan: I still think there's a lot of energy in this "movement" that's kind of a skew, and I can't put my finger on it. In 1998, they started 0-7. In Norv's 5th year. No fan revolt. In 2001 they started 0-5--Did 9/11 preclude people from getting as pissed as they would have otherwise?The 2007 Dolphins went 1-15. They won their division in 2008. The 2007 Atlanta Falcons were a total disaster after their coach quit and Vick got caught. The 2008 Falcons drafted a QB and went to the playoffs.I understand fans being pissed and wanting Cerrato gone or whatever, but the lack of perspective by fans is kind of nonsensical.

Steve: Yeah i read that article. I think the article accurately captured the fans' mood, and that there is some truth to the perception/speculation that fans are jumping off the bandwagon. That said, I don't think the article was particularly insightful; we already know that the Skins suck, and that fans are pissed. I'm not sure what a few anecdotes about fans planning a revolution or abandoning allegiance to the team adds to the debate. show me some empirical evidence, damnit! I want surveys, studies, theses written on the topic.

I do think, however, that this particular fan "mutiny" is more powerful and has more traction than previous mutinies/seasons of despair. And unlike Dan, I think it's justified. This year, for the first time, I feel entirely detached from the Redskins. I can't get excited about anything or anyone on this team. our star players are old and they suck. our "quarterback of the future" is middle-aged by NFL standards, and hasn't improved in 5 seasons. That's remarkable! We squander draft picks to patch up holes, as if we're just a player or two away from being good, when everyone knows that we completely suck. The other executives in the league laugh at our franchise. we are the laughing stock of the league. it's embarrassing. At least during the Norv days - "we just didn't make enough plaaaaaaaaays [voice cracking]" there was a system, players were presumably drafted to fit that system, we made financially responsible decisions, and a core group of young players we were trying to build around. we were mediocre, yes, but the hope for improvement was justified. Now, after 10 years of Dan Snyder's micromanaging, bipolar, egomaniacal, delusional, fiscally irresponsible bullsh*t, people are sick and tired of being made fun of, and want the team to be run by a professional. it's the lack of professionalism and class that irritates fans. even when we win, there's this sense of guilt that we're not winning the right way, and that the winning is not sustainable. even the winning feels like losing. i hate this team. I'm all for the revolt. Viva la France

Dan: Yeah, but why now? Why not after totally collapsing in November and December last season? Was it the August/September article on the Redskins dropping tickets in the secondary market and suing ticket holders that made people say, ok if they pull this shit they better beat the crap out of the Rams?

Steve: It's because, we made all these improvements and we regressed AGAIN and it was all so predictable! this year, there was absolutely no excuse to regress. none. we had a QB in his second year of a system, a coach who had time to adjust to the rigors of NFL, a revamped D-line, and we got considerably worse! again!!!!! it's the repetition that wears on people. that said, yes, I believe that the suing ticket holders thing and the lack of accountability in the front office exacerbated everything. i think people would excuse the losing, and even the sucking, if we had an owner with a scintilla of class, and if we actually believed he had a plan. i analogize it to breach of a fiduciary duty. we put faith in management to make smart decisions that will make our team better, because 1) as mere fans we have no control; and 2) we don't have the time and/or resources to scout players, make personnel decisions, etc. so we leave it to fiduciaries to make those decisions for us. but this duty has been breached, and i honestly think most fans believe they could do as good as or better job than snyder/cerrato in running this team. we're being led by a bunch of clowns, who can't do anything right. they don't treat their fans right, they don't make smart football decisions, and they've tarnished a once proud franchise. also, the drinking at the stadiums doesn't help.

Dad: I think Steve has really hit it on the head. The team is led by cynical exploiters. They have removed any hint of class from our team. From trying to compete with Dallas for whose cheerleaders have the least clothes, to charging $6.00 for a bottle of water (while forbidding fans from bringing their own water -- the water rule REALLY pisses me off; it's such a nickle and dime thing, but speaks volumes about what the owner thinks of his fans), to charging full price for preseason and tying preseason to regular season; to making you up front the money in March $4300) giving him a six month float on your money before you can redeem value in the form of game attendance; and then, on top of all that fan abuse (oh, did I forget suing your own fans) he gives us a dreadful product, that as Steve says, feels lousy even when they win. I rooted for the Mets in 1962 when they were the Amazin Mets who lost 120 games. The fans loved them because the franchise really took care of the fans and made the experience loveable. It's not just the losing. It's the sense that management has no use for its customers. Give us your money and shut up! You are too stupid to know any better. For me, that's what has set me off; the feeling that he is exploiting me and has the attitude that I am so stupid, I'll just keep coming back no matter how bad the abuse gets.

Dan: I suppose its a situation very similar to how an earthquake develops--two plates are constantly grinding against each other, and there's really no real reason for it happening when it happens, but it was bound to happen at some point.

Steve: also, i truly believe that this current mutiny was held in abeyance, but percolating, during Gibbs 2.0. We fans gave Snyder/Cerrato a 3 year reprieve during Gibbs 2.0, because we had so much respect for Gibbs, and even when we completely sucked in 2006, we restrained ourselves from mutiny because we loved and had faith in Gibbs. Now, all of that pent up anger and frustration has been unleashed 10-fold on management, because there's no more Gibbs buffer to protect the Danny.

Dan: Totally right about Gibbs. A lot of people were convinced early on that Gibbs 2.0 didn't have it though. And Gibbs' player choiced were hit and miss. more like hit and BIG MISS.

On my blog I wrote that Gibbs 2.0 is a big reason we have no depth. Case in point. Gibbs and co. had to "win now" in 2006 following the playoff season. Portis gets hurt, so they had to get insurance for him (Duckett) and give up way too much for it, because of "win now.

Steve: exactly.
also, even when we sucked with Spurrier, there wasn't a mutiny because most fans thought he would actually make a decent coach, and other NFL teams at the time were chasing him too. we felt like we had won a prize when we got him, and we thanked the Danny for opening up his pocket book and luring a hot new coach. and when that experiment failed, we hailed the Danny once more for "fixing the problem" with Gibbs. What the fans didn't realize, or pay attention to, was that the personnel decisions between 2001 and 2005 were horrendous. Name one impact player from those drafts. Name one. Here are our drafts from 2000 to 2005. I think Casserly was responsible for 2000, but other than that, who was making these picks????? These picks were TERRIBLE!!!!!!

20051. Carlos Rogers, CB, Auburn (9th overall)1. Jason Campbell, QB, Auburn (25th overall)4. Manuel White, FB, UCLA (120th overall)5. Robert McCune, ILB, Louisville (154th overall)6. Jared Newberry, OLB, Stanford (183rd overall)7. Nehemiah Broughton, FB, The Citadel (222nd overall)

2004 1. Sean Taylor, S, Miami - 5th overall3. Chris Cooley, TE, Utah State - 81st overall5. Mark Wilson, OT, California - 151st overall6. Jim Molinaro, OT, Notre Dame - 180th overall

2003 2 . Taylor Jacobs, WR, Florida - 44th overall3. Derrick Dockery, G, Texas - 81st overall7. Gibran Hamdan, QB, Indiana - 232nd overall

2002 1. Patrick Ramsey, QB, Tulane2. Ladell Betts, RB, Iowa3. Rashad Bauman, CB, Oregon3. Cliff Russell, WR, Utah5. Andre Lott, S, Tennessee5. Robert Royal, TE, LSU6. Reggie Coleman, T, Tennessee7. Jeff Grau, LS, UCLA7. Greg Scott, DE, Hampton7. Rock Cartwright, FB, Kansas St.

2001 1. Rod Gardner, WR, Clemson2. Fred Smoot, CB, Mississippi St.4. Sage Rosenfels, QB, Iowa St.5. Darnerien McCants, WR, Delaware St.6. Mario Monds, DT, Cincinnati2000 1. LaVar Arrington, LB, Penn St.1. Chris Samuels, T, Alabama3. Lloyd Harrison, CB, N.C. State4. Michael Moore, G, Troy St.5. Quincy Sanders, S, UNLV6. Todd Husak, QB, Stanford7. Del Cowsette, DT, Maryland7. Ethan Howell, WR, Oklahoma St.

Dan:

Rogers--good player, who could be great with different hands

Campbell--solid, could be good with offensive line and 80s Gibbs offense.

Taylor--was going to be hall of fame great

Cooley--pro bowlerDockery--you can't say he is a bad pick

Cartwright--pretty good value for 7th rounder

striking out on Wilson and Molinaro really hurt

Steve: OK i overlooked Taylor and Cooley. But those are 2 of 40-some picks, and we only had 40-some picks because we traded them away for the likes of TJ Duckett, Pete Kendall, Jason Taylor, Jeremiah Trotter (right?) Lavaraeneous Coles (right?) Trung Candidate (right?). I disagree with Rogers, and Campbell - rogers is average, we took him too high in the draft, and campbell is a nice guy but sucks at QB.

And Now, For Something Completely Different

What a Shitty Week in Redskins land.

First of all, let me flashback to mid-October 2006. The Redskins had just lost at the Giants, but were coming home to face the winless Titans. It was going to be a beautiful Sunday afternoon watching the game at my apartment, and when it was over, we'd be 3-3. Not great, but not horrible. Instead we blew a 14-3 lead, couldn't force any 3 and outs, and lost to be 2-4. Just sickening. Sickening with shame and loathing. So sickening that I called in sick to stay home, review documents online, and listen to sports radio all day. I have the email to prove it:

10/16/06: "The Redskins made me sick, they gave me a cold. Well, maybe they did/maybe
they didn't but it sure feels like I should stay home and listen to Redskins
radio, so that's what I decided."

I didn't call in sick this week. And as bad as things have been, I don't feel like this 2-4 is as unredeemable as 2006's 2-4. I don't know why.

On Monday, Dad tried to get StubHub to refund our obstructed view tickets, but they said that because the asshole sender typed "ov" we should have known what that meant. Why did he type OV and not Obstructed View? I think the latter is more revealing, don't you? Then he found out that people where unloading their Eagles tickets for cheap (which will most likely mean a lot of scumsucking Eagles fans further humiliating us on national tv). For an instant, I thought, hey maybe we should go to this game too.

Dad had the opposite reaction: "The thought of enduring the hassels of getting to FedEx on a Monday night etc etc. to witness a depressing and demoralizing blow out of the Redskins is out of the question for me. Honestly, if they gave them away for free, including a parking pass, I still would not want to go. It's simply too demoralizing. By the way, there are still some guys trying to sell section 142 seats for $550 each. I don't think I have ever seen such a huge discrepancy between cheapest to most expensive of premium seats. The cheap sellers are in a full panic, which I fully understand. If you were counting on getting $550, as Warner Wolf used to say: 'Guess what? YOU LOSE.'"


Then Zorn's buddy Steve Largent got into the act, claiming that Cerrato had told Zorn that if he didn't drop his playcalling duties, he'd be fired, but that Zorn is not a quitter so he accepted the ultimatum. Largent said that Snyder has no idea of what he wants in a coach, and added that having Sherm Lewis call the plays is a "joke."

Dad called the situation an "unmitigated disaster," and Steve said he "would say 'wow' - because it really is deplorable what Danny is doing to Zorn and this team - but I had a feeling that's what was going on, that Snyder doesn't want to pay Zorn 6 million to walk, and is making Zorn's life a living hell until he resigns. I really respect Zorn for hanging in there, and I think I'd do the same thing if I were him. Zorn is a bad coach, but he's a good guy it seems, and now I'm rooting for him."


Dad: "My sentiments exactly. He should refuse to fold; he should take Danny for all he can. Snyder is a really bad guy, even worse than I imagined. I have no doubt he is trying to force Zorn to quit and save the money on the contract. What a low life. He makes is so hard to root for the team, like we have been saying the past three weeks. I clearly am rooting AGAINST Danny, but that always comes around to mean i am rooting against the team, which I am not. It's crazy; I want him to fail, but I want the team to win, but if they win, that means he does not fail."

My thoughts are that Snyder is handling having a lousy coach as horribly as an owner could. I think most owners--who had concluded that their coach is not up to the task--would just let it ride out. Meddling like this really can only make things worse most likely. Snyder doesn't understand that unfortunately for all of us.

But hold on--let's not forget why this is happening. Don't forget the half back option on third and goal from 8 yard line against the Rams. Don't forget how predictable and unimaginative and dull the playcalling has been. Snyder is a dick, but Zorn isn't entitled to martyr status either. I don't think Sherm Lewis can do a worse job with the playcalling then Zorn.

This morning, or yesterday, Cerrato came out and promised that Zorn would remain head coach for this season "and hopefully longer." Well that's nice, I think. It puts a kind of ceiling on the constantly escalating shame and embarrassment Redskins fans are feeling, so we have that going for us.

Zorn also announced that Idiot Thomas has taken his rightful spot as #2 WR back from Malcolm Kelly (whom I consider an idiot as well once again). I say why even have a #2 receiver at all. Let's just field 10 players on offense. We'll get the same amount of production and maybe we'll confuse some defenses in the process. Here is a photo of Thomas scoring a touchdown last year vs. the Giants. Tatoo this image to your mind. It may very well not happen again.


As for the Philadelphia Eagles, Jim Zorn kicks Eagle ass. 2-0 last year. They just got embarrassed by the Oakland Raiders which means 1) they are going to be royally pissed and take it out on the Redskins, or 2) the Eagles kind of stink too and we have a shot at winning because the strength of our team is the defensive line. If the defensive line can score 3-4
touchdowns, we may have a chance here.

I'm not going to make any more wishful thinking predictions. Like the Giants game in week 1, I just don't see how we can compete. We need big offensive plays of 20-40-60 yards. If this offense has to count on getting third and shorts for 80 yard drives, we're gonna be lucky to get 6 points.

Ultimately, however, I have a solution that can change our perspectives and alter reality. Not really for the Redskins so much, but for us. So I recommended to my family that during Week 7's Monday night game, we should be drinking beers.

Delusions

Rock Bottom? Offensive Line is Offensive? Woe, woe is us. Chiefs 14, Redskins 6

I can think of younger days when living for my life

Was everything a man could want to do

I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow

And how can you mend a broken heart?

How can you stop the rain from falling down?

How can you stop the sun from shining?

What makes the world go round? How can you mend a this broken man?

How can a loser ever win?

Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again--Bee Gees

I feel awful for the fans. The fans sacrifice a lot, too. I am not naive about that. I am upset, too . . . The fans . . . put their hearts and souls into supporting this football team . . . They have to just be beside themselves. They will look at me and they should--Coach Jim Zorn

You ever driven your bicycle or car right into a brick wall at a slow pace because there really weren't any other viable options as ludicrous as that might sound? This is what happened with regard to the Redskins offensive line yesterday. We totally see that brick wall/tragically inadequate offensive line, but we really have no other options due to years of neglect. Crash!

Doom and gloom, rage and teeth gnashing, misery and sadness. Well, a lot of fans feel this way apparently, according to all the columnists such as Wilbon. I mean, this is a really bad time because there feels like there is no hope of being a good football team. But by the time Dad and I had walked from the stadium to the Morgan Boulevard metro stop, I was pretty much over it because I just couldn't imagine that offensive line doing anything.

And they didn't. Montgomery knocked back on his ass. Heyer spun around like a scarecrow in a cartoon. Williams doing his impression of a napping pre-school student on a floormat. The result, a whole bunch of three and outs. Campbell completed a couple of passes, including one to Cooley who dodged a tackle for the first first down of the half. There were two chances for big plays--a long bomb that Devin Thomas caught out of bounds and a post-pattern thrown to far ahead of Moss. Those two plays could have made the difference, but . . . didn't.

The defensive line played very well. Carter, Orakpo, Haynesworth, Chris Wilson, Daniels all put a lot of pressure on Cassell and got 5-6 sacks.

Then to start the second half, Campbell got benched for Toddball Todd Collins. He completed a long pass to Moss down the middle of the field, and a spark of electricity and hope went through the crowd, but all we could get was a field goal.

Later on, Portis busted through the left side and went all the way down the sideline. We thought it he was going to take it to the house, and finally score a long touchdown. But his last blocker, Sellers, fell down and Portis got tackled. 3 incomplete passes from Collins later, another field goal.

That was it. It wasn't 5 fumbles or 5 interceptions or 5 dropped passes in the end zone. It was just not being good enough to barely squeak by an 0-5 team in a rebuilding year. Todd Collins getting sacked in the end zone for a safety was the perfect ending.

The game day experience was unique in that our seats were basically in a cave in obstructed view seating. We didn't realize this when we bought them, but it wasn't disastrous. Whenever we had to slide to the other side of a pillar, there were 2 open seats available for us.

The aftermath? Vinny Cerrato strongly suggested that Jim Zorn give up his playcalling duties to Sherm Lewis who most recently was play calling in a bingo hall for senior citizens. Instead of resign or protest, Zorn agreed. Peter King says this means that Snyder doesn't want to fire Zorn, yet, but that he has concluded that he hired the wrong man. Maybe, but if you're not going to fire the wrong man, you might as well get off his back while he's not fired.

Zorn was allowed, however, to decide to start Jason Campbell over Collins this week. I think this is the right move. Campbell gave an interview on a radio show this week in which he had an edge to his voice, and said that he's gonna stop worrying about what other people want and just let it all hang out. 1) That sounds great, and 2) I thought that's what you were doing all along.

Also, the Redskins signed a professional offensive tackle, Levi Jones. I'm thinking/hoping that this is a major upgrade.

Not So Fast, Everyone

"Entering Week 6 of the 2008 season, Buffalo was 4-1 and led the AFC East. Denver was 4-1 and led the AFC West. Chicago was 3-2 and led the NFC North. Dallas and Washington were both 4-1, just a half-game back in the NFC East. None of those five teams made the playoffs, and we haven't even mentioned the Jets, who started 8-3 but didn't get to play in January, or a Patriots team that finished 11-5 and became the first 11-game winner to miss the dance since the 1985 Broncos.

To look at it another way, last season at this point, four of the six eventual AFC playoff teams were either 2-2 (Miami, Baltimore, Indianapolis), or 2-3 (San Diego). In the NFC, two of the conference's eventual playoff teams were under water at 2-3 as Week 6 dawned (Philadelphia and Minnesota). Add those totals together and half of the league's 12-team playoff field last year was playing .500 or worse ball through the season's first five weeks." --Don Banks, Sports Illustrated

I knew it. I knew there was a glimmer of hope, a reason to remember that that the 2008 Arizona Cardinals, who made it to within 2 minutes of a championship, stunk most of the time. Its not about how well you start, as most bitter Redskins fans know, its about how you are playing in November and December. With Stephon Heyer and Mike Williams starting at offensive tackle, chances are the Redskins will be lousy and embarrassing in November and December like they are now, but in the NFL crazy shit happens as the temperature drops. Things that don't make any sense occur. Fast start teams fade, and lousy "I thought those guys were totally finished" teams rise up.

Why are the Redskins most likely excluded from this? The offensive line that takes the field on Sunday will be awful. NFL Europe. World League. XFL. University of Michigan pickup games at Elbel Field. Heyer-Dockery-Rabach-Montgomery-Williams. I imagined a couple of conversations at Redskins Park this week:

Snyder: So, what's the plan. How are you gonna make it happen this week?

Zorn: Are you fucking kidding me? Have you seen our offensive line?

5 minutes later....

Zorn: So, what's the plan. How are you gonna make it happen this week?

Campbell: Are you fucking kidding me? Have you seen our offensive line?

Zorn and the Redskins and Snyder and Cerrato have been getting butchered by the media this week. It is all but assumed that Zorn will be fired, which could happen as early as the bye week starting October 26--the night Philadelphia will probably humiliate us on national tv for all to see.

Joe Theismann said that the Redskins aren't playing professional football. John Riggins made a youtube video saying that Zorn is over his head and will be removed, no offense. Jimmy Johnson and Brian Billick said it all starts at the top and their troubles are their own doing.

A local writer, John Feinstein, suggested that Redskins boycott the team--no attendance at games, no souvenirs, no hot dogs, no parking.

Steve: "what are your guys' thoughts about John Feinstein's proposed boycott of the Skins/Chiefs game? At first, I thought it was dumb and juvenile. But now I think it could actually be a good idea. Thoughts? Have you already purchased tickets?"

Dan: "We're not boycotting. This thing is going overboard. Its depressing and frustrating that our team stinks for reasons that were entirely avoidable but repeated, but its not the first time the team has stunk. Yes, we got tickets."

Dad: "I agree with Dan, but I am sympathetic to your sentiment. I don't want to boycott, because it is too extreme, but let's face it: our decision not to retain the season's ticket is in the boycott neighborhood, because we dumped our season's ticket, Pete turned it in, and Danny has one less family willing to shell out $4300 for a crappy product. Was he able to resell the four seats in Section 104 Row 23? Who knows? Is his crackerjack marketing team dumping those seats to SbubHub or some other broker at a loss? Who knows? Danny is probably seeing a far less robust return on his investment now than in the past. Who is willing now to shell out $90 for a Redskins jersey? If I didn't have my Jurgensen, I very much doubt I would want to buy one now.

The sad thing is, if Danny is feeling an economic sting, that does not mean he will "reform." More likely, he will panic and hire another has been coach like Shanahan or Holmgren or something, rather than do what he must do: Write the checks and get the hell out of the way. There is no way that little jerk is gonna put in place a world class management structure and team. And as long as he keeps himself in charge, we are gonna stink."

Snyder and Cerrato have made terrible personnel decisions, but the responsibility doesn't fall solely on a couple of delusional idiots playing fantasy football with our team. It also has to do with a philosophy that EVERYONE bought into in 2004 when Snyder brought Joe Gibbs back for us.

The philosophy was: He's not young anymore. He's not gonna be coaching here for 12 seasons. He's here to right the ship, and he's here to make a run at a Super Bowl. We don't have time for draft picks to develop. Let's get rid of them so we can fill holes on the starting lineup so we can be in constant contention for the next few seasons while Joe is here. If he wins one, its worth it.

Guess what? We got what we wished for. In those four seasons, the team made 2 playoff runs, and won 1 playoff game. Was it worth it? Yeah, probably. But we can't think it was worth it and then pretend to be shocked when we have Stephon Heyer and Mike Williams starting at offensive tackle this Sunday.

So Dad and I will gear up in our layers (the weather is supposed to be awful on Sunday) and enter the arena in new seats we got from Stub Hub, and try to push this faulty squad of beleagued men over the top so it can get to .500 at week 6.

Wishful thinking prediction: Redskins 17 Chiefs 10

Blame Game/Shell Game: Panthers 20, Redskins 17

Redskins blow a 17-2 lead and fall to 2-3. So the Redskins totally suck and are probably one of the worst 6 or so teams in the NFL. But whose fault is it?

• Jim Zorn's playcalling: he never throws it on first down, he never calls deep passing plays that work, he never runs it to the right, he never bootlegs, its completely predictable. But is that because of...


• Jason Campbell being lousy: he goes back to pass sets his feet and sees nothing because he doesn't know to throw it before a receiver makes his break, he doesn't recognize defenses, he locks into receivers so defenders can read his eyes, and he can't make all the throws, probably because he was selected to play in a Gibbs style offense and not West Coast offense. But is he being held back because....


• The offensive line stinks, its stunk for a while, and nothing's been done about it: Right tackle Stephen Heyer has had flashes of competence but he really stinks and is barely a backup, Randy Thomas is out and his replacement Rinehart couldn't even make today's lineup over right tackle Mike Williams who weighed 890 pounds a year ago. Chris Samuels is a terrific players but no one stopped to wonder what happens if he gets hurt, like he did vs. Baltimore last year, and some guy named Batiste came in to play, and got spun around like a rag doll. Our best player Chris Cooley couldn't even catch a damn pass because he was forced to pitch in and help Batiste block. But its not their fault if they stink because they aren't in charge of picking or not picking players. That job belongs to...
• Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato who look at the Titanic going down into the frigid Atlantic and say, "if ain't broke, don't fix it." Why on Earth would I hire a "football man" to run this team when I have Vinny Cerrato, Snyder says. Vinny looks at who was awesome last year, gives him way too much money, and gives away draft picks for people who might be awesome next year. Despite the fact that we have no depth, we are always just one player away, one player away, one player away. They open their wallets to bring in the big time talent, regardless of how stale, and its up to the coach to coach 'em up and call the right players to put them in a position to succeed. Its the playcalling!

Scene.

The Redskins took advantage of turnovers today to score touchdowns which was really refreshing and exciting. Portis got both of them. After going up 17-2 (I really don't feel like talking about the fact that Clinton Portis ran laterally along his goal line on 2nd and 8 from the 3 and got tackled in the end zone to make the score 7-2), the Colts returned the kickoff to the the Skins 40, and any thoughts that we'd be able to bask in the glory of an easy win went right out the window. A few plays later, Delhomme threw a td pass to a tight end covered by Brian Orakpo (I really don't feel like talking about the fact that asking Orakpo to cover tight ends in pass coverage is a friggin' waste of time and energy--teach him to play defensive end right now!)

It was 17-12 when we got royally/galactically screwed. Randle El ran up to field a short punt. Byron Westbrook was trying to block, and the Panthers guy shoved him right into Randle El and the ball landed on Westbrook's leg causing a fumble. On planet Earth, we call that interference, but apparently the rulebook says no. What they are saying is that the entire Panthers team could have hoisted Westbrook on their shoulders and fired him like a missile right at Randle El's head while he tried to make a fair catch and it would not be considered a violation of the rules of playing football. Yeah, sure. That seems pretty reasonable.

The Panthers scored on a touchdown run. Asking the offense to move the ball or score at that point was too much to ask for. Campbell almost hit Idiot Thomas on a long pass down the sideline. The ball hit him right in the hands. But like I said, too much to ask for.

I feel like a lot of Redskins fans are struggling with a pardox whereby we expect them to succeed and excel but we spend money to get the talent to win and the team behaves in a way to suggest that we will always be in contention and at worst will always be one big signing away. When they beat the Rams by two points, its just not good enough for this reason.

On the other hand, the proof is in the pudding. The offensive line is super duper shitty. Santana Moss being awesome (he's really not that awesome anymore) and Chris Cooley being awesome can't change that. Clinton Portis is still a very good player, but the truth is that he needs some lighting to go with his thunder (meaning a rookie RB who is good to share the load next year).

The team spent money on defense in the offseason. This meant, smart or dumb, that the team was built to get short fields and score points off turnovers. That almost worked today, but almost gets you 20-17, Panthers.Next week, the 0-5 Chiefs come to town. The season can stay a float with a win. I was about to say that we should get this one, but we're not that good so its more like I really hope we can pick up this one.

I've Got a Bad Feeling About This...

The Panthers are 0-3 coming off of a bye week. They probably aren't as bad as 0-3, and the Skins certainly aren't great candidates to exploit whatever it is that has made them 0-3, whether its Carolina's league-worst run-defense or the likelihood that Delhomme is done and likes to throw lots of interceptions. The Panthers run the ball very well, and Steve Smith is an extremely dangerous player.

This week the Redskins hired a consultant who most recently was employed as a bingo caller, no joke, and apparently Portis and Mike Sellers almost got into a physical altercation because Portis allegedly requested that Sellers be benched for Tight End Yoder. In the Lions game, a touchdown was missed because Sellers blocked the wrong guy. Sellers admitted it, but Portis isn't happy.

I guess this kind of thing happens all the time, but it all feels bad. Bad stuff. Would love to be wrong.

Wishful thinking prediction: Redskins 19, Panthers 17

Hey, Coach. Its Consultant Sherm Lewis calling...

.....What's up?


Zorn: Oh. Oh, hey . . . Sherm.


Sherm: Just sitting down to take a little perusal at some of the game film. Exciting stuff.

Zorn: Oh yeah?

Sherm: Yeah, yeah, actually I really just got started, but something jumped out at me and I wanted to bring it your attention.

Zorn: OK

Sherm: The thing is, I've been looking at film for about 5 minutes and its pretty clear to me that every single time you guys get First and Goal from around the 10 yard line, you run to the left and get totally stuffed.

(Silence)

Sherm: Yeah, its uncanny. Um. No throws to Kelly, or Thomas, or Marko, or even Cooley. No play action. No shotgun. No statue of liberty. No fades. No pick plays. No sideline routes. You ran to the right once, but uhh, well you know...

Zorn: (clears throat hard)

Sherm, exhaling: OK, I'm gonna go grab some lunch. Maybe Quiznos. Take it easy, coach.

Click.

"Another Set of Eyes"

The Redskins hired an offensive consultant, Sherman Lewis, who previously coached the Lions and the Packers in the 90s. He is part of that Bill Walsh-Mike Holmgren coaching tree.

Vinny Cerrato says he will be another set of eyes to see if he can help improve offensive production. I'm trying to think of how I would argue that Sherman Lewis is exactly what Cerrato says he is as opposed to an implicit announcement that the Zorn era is beginning its ending. I can't do it.

In 1999, Mike Nolan was coaching the defense for a team that was in contention thanks to its potent offense. The defense stunk for whatever reasons. I can't remember if they were really bad at run defense or pass defense, but I somehow recall them being bad at both. They hired Bill Arnsbarger to be a consultant. Good, we thought, Arnsbarger will consult, he'll make pie graphs and submit a report, and everything will improve. Mike Nolan was replaced by Ray Rhodes for the 2000 season.

Another set of eyes = You're doing a fine job, and maybe start considering doing a fine job somewhere else.

Steve doesn't think Sherm Lewis will fix anything, but does think "that easing Zorn's workload isn't such a bad idea, theoretically. Zorn has way too much responsibility - he's head coach, quarterbacks coach, offensive coordinator, and playcaller. maybe if he can focus on being head coach and quarterbacks coach, and Lewis can do the coordinating, it could improve things. But yes, I do think that this is proof that Zorn is toast, barring an unforeseeable turnaround."

Dad agrees with Steve. "Lewis is a half measure, maybe a quarter measure, to try to salvage this dreadful season before it is a lost cause. If there is a major turn around, and the Skins go on to win 10+ games, and get to the second round of the playoffs, Zorn keeps his job. If they come up anything short of that, Zorn (and Campbell) both are toast. But, I do think that Zorn is not toast yet; he can still keep his job if the team achieves success."

Charley Casserly calls it a "Kiss of Death" for Zorn, which sounds bad. Finally, I just want to put it on record that Snyder should bring back Casserly as GM. He's a career Redskin despite his time with Houston and Snyder admitted he erred by firing him instead of Norv. Charley got us Gerald Riggs, Earnest Byner, and all the great role players on the 91 team like Tim Johnson, Fred Stokes, Ricky Ervins. He drafted Mario Williams with Houston when everyone was screaming for Reggie Bush, and it looks like he made the right call. Hire Charley Casserly.

Sunny and Pleasant: Redskins 16, Bucs 13

"It's said that it's better to be lucky than good. The Redskins are a variation on that theme: They're a team that needs to be lucky long enough to find out whether it can become good." --Thomas Boswell

That was the forecast when we awoke on a beautiful Sunday morning. It was time to put Saturday behind us--a Saturday that involved finding my right rear tire deflated, and a Saturday soccer match in which my busted right ankle hurt from the beginning and I missed two excellent scoring opportunities in a 3-0 loss.

So after a couple of snoozes, we got dressed and walked out to the car to see if I could finally figure out how to change a spare tire and exorcise the demons of 8 years ago when I jacked up my car before loosening the bolts, and twisted at the spinning tire for an hour or so before realizing what a complete idiot I am. Happy Street (Cortland Street) was gorgeous, with the sun creeping through the oak trees, and leaves just hanging, spinning in the breeze.

I got the donut tire, wrench, and jack out of the trunk, and went step by step through the instructions. The key, I told Joey, is getting the bolts loosened, and then jack that thing up. And after throwing all of my weight and strength into it, it worked. I felt like an average man! And Joey was very impressed. Then we drove over to the Spring Valley Exxon and ordered a new tire. Steve had hypothesized that the cold weather caused the deflation, and I thought he might be correct because after I removed the tire, the sucker almost completely reinflated. However, when I showed it to the Exxon guy, he immediately recognized that it was busted.

After that, we drove to SuperFresh for breakfast items, and I made good on my promise to make Joey pancakes, even though it was ridiculously easy with that Bisquick instant stuff and our new griddle thing. So by noon, I had changed a flat tire and made my wife pancakes to earn husband of the year. Because of the tire, my sore ankle, all the laundry Joey had to do, and because Steve was watching with Greg, we decided it would be easier to just watch the game at home this week.

And boy did everything start out lousy. First play, short run. Second play, Campbell sacked. Third play, Campbell sacked, ball comes out, first down Bucs on our 11. Two plays later, Josh Johnson touchdown pass to Bryant. All I could do is just kind of lean back against the couch and squint: What?!

The offense was sputtering. Campbell wasn't really seeing much of anything, and was throwing like his ankle hurt and/or he just had no confidence and was over thinking everything. Making matters worse was the fact that Hunter Smith pulled his groin, so Suisham had to the punting. He did adequately though, and a total disaster was held at bay. The Bucs were able to move the ball a little on the ground with Cadillac Williams, but the score stayed the same thanks to Bucs Kicker's Mike Nugent hitting screwballs that missed wide right and off the goal post.

Campbell then started getting picked off, the first one occurring on a fourth down and four just over midfield with Campbell just forcing something instead of taking a sack. Later on, on third and short, after a nice run by Marcus Mason, Campbell went deep to Kelly who was totally blanketed, and Talib snatched away the jump ball. Why call that play, I demanded to know. Another promising drive ended with Campbell getting sacked and knocked out of field goal range. I'm guessing everyone else was thinking just end this horrible half. Just end it. And it finally ended with a Bucs field goal to make it 10-0. "This is as bad as could as one could expect," I said to Dad on the phone. I told Joey, you know what, Campbell really needs to have a good half and win this game or it could be his end in Washington. Campbell himself echoed those sentiments after the game.

The Bucs started the second half with the ball, but on third down, Josh Johnson through deep into the zone and DeAngelo Hall was there to make a leaping grab for the interception. The Skins drove it down for a field goal. OK, we needed that, that's fine. We got the ball back, and thanks to a couple of gutsy scrambles by Campbell, the Skins got into the redzone for the first time. After a false start penalty, Campbell found Cooley over the middle who caught the ball just over the goal line for the score. It would have been 10-10, but that a-hole Ronde Barber (damn, he really finds a way to kill us. I think he's got a couple of touchdowns or game saving interceptions against us over the years) came around the end and blocked the extra point, so it was 10-9.
If you're a Redskins fan, you think, that's ok, we've got momentum, its early in the half, we'll score again, AND you also think, oh too bad we're gonna lose by 1 point now life sucks.

The defense got it back for us once again, and we started the next drive at our own 41. On first down, Campbell dropped back, with play action, and delivered a perfect bomb to Santana Moss who had made a double move, caught it and ran it in for the score. Hell yes! 16-10.

Campbell would later get picked off for a third time, again looking deep for Moss. This started a long tortuous drive for the Bucs that lasted about 8 minutes. As they got closer, I continually lamented the blocked extra point. On third and goal, Johnson was forced to scramble to his left, couldn't find a receiver, and was taken down at the four. With four minutes left, I'm thinking, holy shit they're gonna go for it and win by 1. If they kick the field goal, and hope to get the ball back, we're gonna win. They kicked the field goal. I called Dad and said I can't believe they kicked it. If we had stopped them, we'd be at our own four with a QB who's turned the ball over 4 times and a punter who is a kicker. If I was the winless Bucs, I'd have gone for it. The Skins were almost able to run out the clock. Portis needed 5 yards on third down, but tripped and got 4. I got back on the phone with Dad who said: go for it. I said it was tempting, but you have to punt. By the end of the coversation, I was conviced we should go for it, but Suisham punted about 30 yards to the Bucs 20. On third and short, in the shotgun formation, that rookie Jarmon was ready for the draw play, stuck out his hand and forced the fumble that Horton recovered. Game over, V formation.


With expectations recalibrated and lowered, this is a win to feel "happy" about. The NFL experts will say we stink because we can barely beat or barely lose to the crappy teams. But if they were to assume that we are what we are, which is crappy, a win makes us good. It makes sense. We have a solid defense that I think will get better as the year goes on. On offense, they made big plays this week but turned it over. Portis looked really solid considering his bad ankles but I have to wonder whether 25 carries/98 yards is the best he can do right now. On the other hand, they did find some success running on the right side which is cause for a little hope.

Dad says:

It was a Tale of Two Games, and I have to admit, I totally gave up on Jason Campbell. I wanted him yanked for Todd Collins. I had lots of good reasons for this. I recalled how, when Collins came in for Campbell at the end of the 2007 season (Gibbs' last), all of sudden, the ball started coming out crisply and easily. All of a sudden, there were open receivers being hit in stride. It was like we had been riding in sports car all season, with one foot on the brake peddle, and when Collins came in, the brake was released.

I still see that when Campbell is the QB. Sure, I know the O line stinks. And, I have been saying this for at least two years, and now, it stinks even more. We have two no names on the right side (now that Randy Thomas is out for the year), and the left side is too old to matter. So, we are really challenged. And our two year receivers also stink. Still, when Campbell drops back, he looks like he doesn't see the field well or quickly. And, he has a huge wind up, not the quick release I would prefer.

Ok, so that's why I wanted Campbell out. In spite of the weaknesses that appear to be undermining his ability to succeed, I wanted to test the hypothesis that it's not really his fault, because of Collins came out slinging like 2007, then there would be no denying that Campbell is a C+/B- QB who will never take any team deep into the playoffs.

Zorn stuck with Campbell, and with the benefit of hindsight, it worked, at least for one game against a woeful opponent. Campbell made two very nice throws to Cooley and Moss to pull this out of the fire, and he gets lots of credit for that. He gets lots of credit, too, for perserverence and character. I really like the guy. But I remain skeptical that he has the package of skills to get us where we want to be.

Are we really a mediocre team, from A to Z, as I fear we are, or is a large part of the problem Campbell? I still want to know, but Zorn is not gonna make that move for reasons I fully understand and respect. It's a really tough call.

Bucs is a 4 Letter Word

Last night, after a successful weeknight Costco run, I sat down on the couch to watch the Thursday night tv shows. Since The Office had already started, and I didn't want to start watching in the middle, I flipped around the channels until I got to the NFL channel which has started to to show exciting quarters from past games involving teams that are playing each other in the coming Sunday.

I thought, sweet, if its the Redskins and Bucs, maybe they'll show that classic nail biter from October 2000 at Fed Ex that went to overtime, and was won on a field goal after Deion Sanders took a punt down to the Bucs' 5. Or maybe they'd show Joe Gibbs' first game back in September 2004 when Clinton Portis scored on a long touchdown run on his first ever carry as a Redskin.

Instead, the NFL channel decided to show that nightmare of a game from November 2005. In this one, the Skins were up 35-28 but gave up a td pass with less than 2 minutes to go. We tried to block the extra point, jumped offsides, and Gruden went for 2. They said Alstott got in, but he was clearly stopped. It was total bullshit, and what made it worse was that I had to watch the second in my dad's basement while on a conference call with my law firm about a bunch of useless shit.

So instead of going 6-3, we fell to 5-4, and went to lose the next 2 games. I remember walking down the front stairs, feeling like I had been punched in the stomach. Redskins memories, ahhhh. My whole body kind of tensed up as I watched the Skins punt back the ball before the Bucs final drive. Joey suggested I watch something else, which I did.

So its Friday, which means that the gloom has been replaced with irrational hope and excitement. Completely baseless, but its there. Maybe its the fact that Greg Blache admitted that he sucks, its his fault, and he's going to do better. There! That's what Redskins fans can hang their hats on as of now.

The Bucs are 0-3. They benched Leftwich for a guy named Josh Johnson. Let's assume the Redskins are an average team that does average things. That would mean a Redskins fan could day dream about a confused Josh Johnson getting flustered in the pocket, getting his elbow smacked, the ball popping up in the air, and a cornerback snatching it out of the air and running it down the sideline with a convoy for a touchdown. That kind of thing doesn't happen for us, but that's what the proper day dream is.

I want to see some good shit this week, and I want to feel good. I want to pump my fist and do a couple of stupid joyful dances around the living room. I want to yell, "Hell Yeah," and watch Clinton Portis spike the ball in the end zone. Can we get going or what?

Wishful thinking prediction: Redskins 17, Bucs 10.

LaVar Arrington Wants to Lead a Fan Revolt

LaVar Arrington, who used to be my most favoritest player in the whole wide world, wrote the following on his tweet page:

"So [Sunday] I had a epiphany. A huge one. If we have a owner who would go to great lengths to try what he did with me amongst others, it leads me to believe that he has no understanding of true brotherhood and identity of self. And I realize that as an employee of someone who has no identity outside of how much money they have, you either conform to that and be without identity or you are identified for having an identity, which would be considered a direct threat....

"I now can honestly say that why would things ever change for our team when he has no respect for employees or fans, and we have none for him? Which means u have a revolving door of disgruntled employees and booing fans and very little support from the people who made it possible for Dan to be 2nd on Forbes's list of high grossing franchises.

"I now believe I can close my eyes and sleep better understanding that I can realistically curb my enthusiasm about guys overcoming their environment. It won't happen unless coaches and players see it and then decide that they will band together to win no matter what. Otherwise Dan will tell coaches what he wants; coaches will sabotage theirselves and the team just to try and stay in his good graces. During my time, Marty was the only head coach that I didn't see fall victim to this, and outside of Zorn, I played for every coach Dan hired."

A lot of Redskins fans disagree with me, but as far as I'm concerned LaVar Arrington lost the right to say "we" or "our" with regard to the Redskins when he became

He lives here, he owns a bar here, he has his own radio show here, he did comcast tv on the redskins the last couple of years. He identifies himself as a Redskin, he says he is a fan. I don't care. He didn't have to become a New York Giant. He didn't have to be swayed by that bastard Antonio Pierce to go to a rival just so he could stick it to the Redskins. You can't be a Redskins when you sign a contract to stick it to the Redskins. Other players like Art Monk and Gary Clark who played for other teams at the end of their careers get a pass because of their contributions and their lack of animosity toward the team. I can't excuse Arrington even though he played only 7 games for the Giants. Don't Care!