Not Enough Gas In The Tank: Eagles 27, Redskins 24

The Washington Post Sports Bog ran a then and now set of photos of Jim Zorn--the day he was hired in January of 2008, and after the loss at Philadelphia.

Poor guy. I feel for him. And here is another before and after. This is the emotional health of the average Redskins fan before Dan Snyder took over the team.

And this represents the emotional health of the average Redskins fan now:

From halftime until a few minutes into the 4th quarter, the Eagles offense did nothing but punt and get intercepted by Justin Tryon on the Eagles 20 yard line. During this time, the Redskins overcame a 2 point deficit and took and 8 point lead. But as I said to Dad as we watched the third quarter unfold, we were watching the Redskins lose the game. Each time we took back possession and didn't take advantage--especially when having a first down at the Eagles 50 and gaining 1 yard--the Eagles realized, oh they don't want it, I guess we'll just take it.

After Tryon's interception, every Redskins fan was thinking again: a field goal here means we lose, a touchdown, to make it 28-16? That might do it. Two runs and a throw out of bounds later, we knew what was coming. And that is what is eating up Redskins fans inside.

Not the losses, as much as it is identifying the moments when a game needs to be seized, and knowing that the team is not driven with some unquantifiable energy/killer instinct/sense of purpose to make it happen. At this moment, the finger has to point at Zorn/The situation that makes Zorn toothless.

The Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend should be cloudy and windy, with dead leaves flying everywhere. Instead, it was one of those weird, off-putting warm November days that I hate. Joey and I got a late start heading out of the house, so our visit to DSW Shoe Warehouse was a little rushed, and we ended up not getting anything. After a Chipotle lunch sitting outside next to a couple of idiots home from college, we drove over to the Redskins Club.

Dad and Cindy presented Joey with a late birthday present--a gray "Fantasy Football Commish" sweatshirt that Joey proudly and happily accepted. She has big plans for her all female "Pretty Pretty Princess Fantasy Football League" scheduled to premier in September 2010.

The game started ominously positive, as the Eagles tried to catch us sleeping with an onsides kick off. However, it hit one of their guys in the foot, causing an illegal touching penalty, and Quinton Ganther snatched it and ran it down to the 2o yard line. After a couple of short passes to Moss and Randle El, Campbell ran to his right, cut back, and dove into the end zone. 7-0.

When the Eagles got the ball, they pretty much knifed through the non-Albert Haynesworthed defensive line all the way to the goal line. They ended up scoring on fourth and goal, but the play was called back for offensive pass interference, and they kicked a field goal.

The Skins moved the ball about 12 yard on the next series and punted. Then that bastard Donovan McNabb escaped a collapsed pocket and fired a long pass down the left sideline to a completley wide open DeSean Jackson for a touchdown. Once again the secondary didn't know who was responsible for what, and Fred Smoot just let the Eagles most dangerous player walk right by him. "I've hated that guy for a long time. Its been a decade of hate!" I said about McNabb. Dad said I couldn't hate him more than he hates Roger Staubach.

It was around this time that Cindy brought out, in my opinion, the highlight of the day--a cheese platter with crackers that included a cranberry goat cheese. Excellent.

Campbell really looked great on the next drive, converting several third downs--a 11 yard screen to Cartwright, a 11 yard slant to Thomas--both on third and long. He also found Kelly on the sideline on a go route with a perfect tear drop touch to get inside the 10 yard line. On second and goal, Campbell hit a wide open Moss for a slant touchdown. 14-10.

But then Campbell started to stink. The Skins had a first down at the Eagles 40, but got 1 yard and punted after 2 incomplete passes.

The D held, and Philly punted back. On third and 2, Campbell tried to jam a throw in to the right and got picked off by Samuel. Philly got to the 10, but had to kick a field goal. With less than a minute left, Campbell on third and 8 tried the same thing, and got picked off by Samuel again. Field goal good, 16-14 at the half.

Good Campbell returned for the 3rd quarter thanks to a rumbling stumbling 29 yard 3rd down catch and run by Sleepy Davis down the right side line. On Third and 7, Campbell was definitely going down for a sack but somehow did a Houdini, broke away running to his left, and found Devin Thomas in between the corner and safety for a 35 yard reception. One again, on Third and 10 from the 10, Campbell left the pocket, this time running right. He got all the way up to the line of scrimmage, and as the coverage loosened up, he found Sleepy Davis at the goal line for the touchdown. I was pretty sure he stepped over the line, but fortunately, he released it in time. 21-16.

The Redskins' trapezoid offensive super efficiency mega-system was clicking.

The next Philly drive ended well, for us, as London Fletcher body slammed DeSean Jackson short of the first down yardage needed, and Jackson left the game with a concussion.

Campbell converted another third and long on the next drive to Moss on a slant play, but they got bogged down and punted. The Skins were moving, sort of, on the subsequent drive when Campbell scrambled for 15 yards and a first down, but it was called back by Heyer's holding penalty. Heyer negated 2 or 3 first downs yesterday. Thanks, Dude!

And as the sun began to set, we realized we were entering make or break time. As valiant as the efforts have been from our extremely injury-ravaged team, when its time to behead the turkey for the Thanksgiving feast, the Redskins get distracted by a shiny thing, the bird gets free, and goes gobble-gobble-gobble all up in our face.

Chris Wilson got his hand on McNabb's arm, causing the ball to pop up, and Justin Tryon grabbed it about the 20. Run, run, incomplete. The announcers on FOX even said that they were giving up and taking the 3 points. It was sad, pathetic. 24-16.

So the Eagles have the ball, and on the first play, Justin Tryon made a nice play to knock the ball away on a long pass down the middle. On second down, however, McNabb found Avant, who bounced off of LaRon Landry's tragically predictable failed shoulder bump tackle attempt, for 46 yards. This was followed by another completion to Avant, for 20 yards.

Then, just like the US Army might do after acquiring a big, expensive cannon that fires cotton candy, the Eagles brought in Michael Vick who threw a 3 yard pass way too hard, falling incomplete. Such a terrible waste of a play after the Eagles had just found their momentum. I almost felt bad for Eagles fans who have to put with that needless nonsense. I said, "if I was a Eagles fan, I'd burn my house down." It was funny, but also probably true, because I think Philadelphians actually do this kind of thing.

A few plays later, they scored on a short run. They went for 2 to tie it. It was a shovel pass, and it looked like McCoy might have been going down, but he stayed up and got in. 24-24.

Campbell gave us a smidgen of optimism on the first play of the next drive, with a play-action fake sweep handoff and throw back to the right to Kelly for 23 yards. But then Run, run, short-pass + holding penalty, punt.

The Eagles slowly moved down the field, but got a big chunk on a long throw over Rogers to Maclin. Field goal made it 27-24

We got it back, but couldn't get anywhere. Campbell got flattened on his fourth down throw that was short to Moss. Game over.

In Boswell's column, he made the point that I've been stressing to the other Club members recently--that Campbell is actually playing quite well considering the sieve of an offensive line in front of him, and the "starting to get it" at best receivers he is throwing to, not to mention the average at best running backs he is handing off to. We almost gave the house away, again, for Cutler and Sanchez. How many of us wish that deal had gone through now? On the flip side, what is the alternative:

The top 10 or so NFL quarterbacks that are more talented/competent than Campbell are not ever going to be walking through "that door."

The fancy rookie phenoms like Clausen or McCoy or Bradford--regardless of what's going on with Ryan and Flacco--will probably suck, and suck quite egregiously, especially with an offensive line that will be in transition next year. Campbell was 6-2 with a healthy, competent line last year. Yeah, the answer is in -- he is not going to turn into Tom Brady ever. But as Boswell said, it might be time to "love the one you're with."

Will Campbell say, "uh, come back to the Redskins? Uh, I don't think so." He might want to, and who could blame him. But will he get a chance to start on a team in a better situation? Rams-Raiders-Browns-Bills-Jaguars-Niners-Seahawks-Panthers? Perhaps yes, but it really doesn't look likely that any team's grass will be greener.

So, now we're 3-8, and the season is an official disaster. Now we'll just look forward to maybe spoiling things for the Giants or Cowboys, maybe pulling an upset on the Saints, and eating some fancy cheese.

Things For Which We Should Be Thankful--Redskins Edition

• Brian Orakpo--We needed a kick ass pass rusher and we got one. He should pick up 10+ sacks this year
• (hmm, this is kind of difficult)
• (ummmmmm)
• The fact that I am still a fan--This season has, for lack of a better word, sucked. For this blog's sake, I wanted there to be ups and downs, with mostly ups, to chronicle the full range of emotions this team arouses. But the season has sucked, and has sucked in ways that other previous sucky seasons didn't suck. The fact that I am sticking with this team is a testament to my loyalty and devotion, and also suggests that I love a good soap opera--can't wait to see what happens next

• Its almost over--this season is almost over and we'll get to start anew with a new coach, new offensive line, and maybe even a shiny new General Manager who knows about football players
• That fake punt touchdown by Smith and Sellers was pretty nice
• The Santana Moss touchdown and Jarmon strip vs. Tampa was cool
• That New Orleans and Minnesota are probably superior to the Giants, Eagles, and Cowboys

"Bleak" Cowboys 7, Redskins 6

I don't want to hear it
I don't want to know
I just want to run and hide
This is just a nightmare
Soon I'm going to wake up
Someone's going to bring me around--Radiohead

It's bleak. Being 3-7 is bleak.--Jim Zorn

In October 2001, the winless Redskins were up 7-6 late in the fourth quarter in Dallas when Stephen Davis fumbled andthe Cowboys drove to kick a winning field goal. In December 2004, the Redskins were up 10-6 late in the fourth quarter at Dallas when Vinny Testaverde found Patrick Crayton for a long stupid touchdown pass.


And this is why, when Sean Suisham had the opportunity to put the Redskins up by 9 but missed his second field goal of the game wide right, I knew we had just lost the game even though Dallas was scoreless at that point. There was no point in leaving the television on any more. It was a done deal. Tony Romo escaping the arms of Brian Orakpo, twisting around, moving outside the pocket, and finding Crayton in the middle of the end zone was 100 percent inevitable.


Joey and I watched the game at Steve's place with Steve, Greg, Faryn and Harlye. A good thing about that was we got to see Steve get perturbed at the fact that Faryn and Harlye were reading a poodle magazine late the first half when the Redskins were trying to miss a field goal, which they did. Steve shot up out of his seat, grabbed the magazine, and spiked on the ground.

Steve said he kind of felt bad for Cowboys fans or football fans in general who were being subject to this horrible brand of football, and how everything/every game the Redskins touches turns into a horrible succubus. My response was fuck it, we have to deal with this shit every week, why should they be spared the misery?

Additional banter:

• Giving Tony Romo a Texas accent (Oh, man. That's frus-stratin'!) even though he is from Wisconson


• The concept that Wade Phillips really isn't the head coach, and that the actual head coach is who ever is yelling the loudest on the Cowboys sideline (No! See, look a-here!)


• The concept that because the game was so boring and poorly played that 99.6% of Cowboys fans/people who call themselves Cowboys fans were now outside playing with their trucks instead of watching the game

Without Haynesworth, the Cowboys and Marion Barber were able to get big chunks of yardage on the ground. But the Redskins defense made some great stops on third downs, forced a fumble in the red zone, and Romo's accuracy was terrible.

Campbell, on the other hand, was extremely accurate on third downs, several times getting 8 yards on thirds and sevens, and hitting Malcolm Kelly and Rock Cartwright for some big--relatively big--catch and runs, meaning they changed field position. He was never able to hit on any big plays but that was because of o-line again, which lost another player to injury--4th string right guard Chad Rinehart broke his fibula.





Also, Ladell Betts tore up his knee. Both are out for the year. So going into the last 6 games, we have Cartwright--who will give 150%--and this Ganther guy. The skins may have to ask Marcus Mason to come back, if he'll have us. C'mon, baby, please! We didn't meant it. Baby come back!



Fletcher and Rocky McIntosh played very well, as did LaRon Landry. But as I said during the game, Landry must be living in a dreamworld. He made a big hit on Roy Williams to knock a ball loose and then he started doing his cocky look at my masterpiece of defense dance. LaRon, you've been underachieving for over a year now. Either score 4 touchdowns a year like Ed Reed, or sit the eff down, and shut up.
Back to Fletecher and McIntosh and the rest of the defense--they have a right to make statements like, well if a defense holds a team to 7 points, well then, I mean, in the NFL, you know.... "Just trying to figure out what we could have did a little bit different at the end to keep them out of the end zone, because we played so well defensively. And they really didn't deserve to win this game. I think we played well enough to [win]," Fletcher said.

Yeah, you played great, but both of you dropped intereptions early in the game. Dropped--right in your effing meat mitts. So you can lament how the offense sucks and didn't give your great performance the support it needed, or you can return those interceptions for touchdowns like the Ravens and Bears used to do this decade, and then look at the big shiny "W" in the standings when you open the paper the next day.

But what really burns me up about this loss is not the missed field goals or the injuries or the dropped passes, and has nothing our decimated lineup from injury and neglect that on paper had no business being up by 6 with 8 minutes left.

It was calling a draw play on third at 2 from the 30 that lost 2 yards. No guts, no drive, no balls, no direction, no grit. The Cowboys knew that play was coming the way a heavy weight fighter knows that his opponent is just hoping to hear the bell ending the final round. Throw the effing ball and see if you can win the game. I knew we had lost the game the moment Campbell handed the ball to Cartwright here, and it felt like a knee cap to the jujunum.

The team needs a brand new start.


And until big changes are made, you can expect a flurry of tantrums and embarrassing behavior.

Dallas Week

Dallas Week. The Dallas Cowboys. Just thinking about, just saying the words raises certain visceral memories, euphoric and miserable. I knew, just by growing up in Bethesda, drinking the Bethesda water, and eating the Bethesda food that the Dallas Cowboys were evil, horrible, smug, pompous, jerk a-holes who were friends with Darth Vader and the whole Evil Empire.

Dad: "Dallas week used to mean anticipation of smash mouth, take no prisoner football. Now it means hoping to avoid national embarrasment. I knew I would always hate Dallas after
Roger Staubach’s final colossal comeback in December 1979. Riggins has just broken off a huge run for a touchdown -- maybe a 65 yard run from scrimmage to put the Skins ahead with just a few minutes to go. Staubach rallies Dallas from a 34-21 deficit in the last two minutes, capped by a 7-yard touchdown pass to Tony Hill that clinches the NFC East. It was a fade route. I still can't believe he was able to so thoroughly snooker our DB. After the game Dallas defensive end Harvey Martin tossed a funeral wreath into Washington’s locker room. After the season, Riggins retires. He said the comeback broke his spirit. He sat out the 1980 season, but returned for Gibbs first in 1981. He famously said, in explaining his return:

'I'm bored; I'm broke; and I'm back.'"

Steve: "I knew I hated Dallas when Jack Kent Cooke hired Norv Turner. Norv was the hot, young, innovative offensive genius, and he was heralded as the guy who was going to turn around our brief misfortunes. I should have been thrilled at the prospect of an exciting new team, predicated on the same explosive offense that Dallas rode to those Super Bowls, but I wasn't. I was trapped emotionally, because we had just stolen from the enemy, and therefore any success we were to experience in the following years would be cheapened by the fact that Norv was a Cowboy. Like, we had to consult the Cowboys to figure out how to win, because we couldn't figure it out on our own.

My fears were realized when we started signing all those old Cowboys players, like our center, Gesic and Alvin Harper and some other guy. I began to hate Dallas at that point, because the wins seemed tarnished in some way. It was no longer good enough to win; I discovered that I cared about how the Redskins win. In retrospect, I wanted homegrown players, and homegrown coaches, so that when the Skins finally did reach the upper echelons (which still hasn't happened), it would be that much more rewarding. I never invested myself emotionally in those Redskins teams, I think, because they were trying to mimic the Cowboys. That made me hate the Cowboys, because they prevented me from unconditionally loving my own team."

In '86, the Skins started 5-0, and then went to Dallas and lost to Hershel Walker and Tony Dorsett, badly. It felt like getting popped in the nose. Weeks later in November, when the Cowboys came to Washington, I had to go to a stupid birthday party at Corner Kick. When you're 8, you can't really tell everyone to go to hell, I'm watching the game like you can when you are 31. So I missed a lot of what was going on. But when soccer ended for pizza time, and I found out that the Skins were kicking royal ass, I started jumping up and down like it was my birthday and I just received a pet puppy.

Then there was that 1989 game. The Skins were having a mediocre year, but the Cowboy were awful at 0-11. They played the first ever Sunday night game at RFK and of course the Skins played like crap and gave up 150 yards to some dude who went to school at Churchill High School. And of course the Skins ended up missing the playoffs by one game.

In 1991, the Skins were undefeated, 11-0, hosting Jimmy Johnson and his upstart team of plucky cowboys. They scored on a hail mary, in the second or third quarter, on 4th down, and ended up winning by a field goal. Ruined the perfect season.

Two seasons later, I went to my first Cowboys game at RFK--a Monday Night Football opener. We beat the shit out of them, but went on to have a 4-12 season.

I remember almost all of them, including that cold Sunday in December when Steve, me, and Cody were just hanging out the house, watching Heath Shuler defeat the Cowboys in Dallas for the sweep, throwing Dominoes pizza crusts across the living room to Cody.

I almost remember sitting in Touchdown's bar in Ann Arbor Michigan in November 1997 watching the Redskins get a 9 point lead in the 4th quarter before Troy Aikman and an embarrasingly pathetic prevent defense gave it away. I remember two years later, being in that same bar, watching them give up a 3 touchdown lead to the Cowboys and storming out of there and walking home as Raghib Ismail entered the end zone in overtime.

Ah, the rivarly. So bitter, so sweet. So gut churning, so glorious.

Here's an incredible entry from the Wash. Post Sports Bog about how Dexter Manley (above) basically went BEZERKER against Dallas in the Jan. 1983 Championship game.

"If you've ever heard Dexter Manley talk, you know that it can be a sometimes baffling yet thrilling experience. His answer to one question will quickly veer to something else entirely, then something else, then something else, then a plug for Certified Building Services, then a sharp dash of pathos, then an aside about Joe Gibbs, and then finally he'll be interrupted and asked something else after 15 minutes or so.

So trying to piece together two of Manley's radio interviews this week, both on ESPN 980, is a bit of a job. But let's get to some highlights anyhow. Like, here was when he was asked about knocking out Danny White during the 1982 NFC championship game at RFK, which remains one of the indelible images of this Dallas-Washington rivalry.

"I could tell as he was going down, he was whining like a baby, and I knew at that point in time this guy is done," Manley said on The Sports Fix. "He'd never play another down, and I knew that the Redskins' fan base was all excited and happy and we were on our way. But then we had to keep coming back, because they brought in a guy named Gary Hogeboom. I couldn't pronounce his name at the time. I was pronouncing his name sort of wrong, and then Joe Theismann kept telling me the correct name. You know, his name is Hogeboom. I didn't know how to pronounce the guy's name at first."

From making Danny White whine like a baby to being schooled on the pronunciation of Hogeboom; that's a Dexter Manley interview. If I can switch around here, Manley's teammate Darryl Grant was on the John Thompson Show later in the day, and he was asked about the defense during that game.

"Basically the scheme, to sum it up, was just attack," Grant said. "We ran some stunts, we ran some twists, but it was just penetration, get to the quarterback, put as much pressure, knock him around. And Dexter came through there on a twist and knocked him out. Cold. That's the kind of aggression we went into the game with. We felt they had no respect for us, they totally disrespected us, and we were focused when we went in there. It was all about beating the Cowboys, man. We weren't gonna be denied."

Anyhow, Kevin Sheehan also asked Manley about his pre-game locker room behavior before that game. Apparently he had gotten sort of excited.

"That was my second year in the league, and of course I think Tex Schramm had sort of built the Cowboys as America's football team: the star, the uniforms," Manley said. "And I was just sort of a young guy, straight out of Oklahoma State. I felt like I could compete. I always sort of disliked the Cowboys once I became a Redskin, because I understood that just goes with the territory. And so I was shooting my mouth off during the week, and so now it's time to back it up.
"And so now it's game day. You know, and so you can do all that stuff in the locker room, but also you've got to go perform on the field. And I was just so pumped. To be quite frank with you, I read a book about Thomas Hollywood Henderson, and I didn't know anything about it, but he said it sort of gets your adrenaline flowing. I took maybe five Sudafed tablets before the game. I took Sudafed tablets and I just sort of lost it in the locker room.

"I remember there was a big coffee maker machine there and I just went and picked it up and slammed it on the blackboard. It was, like, barbaric stuff. But you know, I knew that once you do that, you play a game in the locker room, and then you have to play a game on the field as well, and I sort of couldn't control it."

(What was it like to play next to Dexter? "It was awesome," Grant said, "because you knew Dexter was gonna bring that heat. He'd be woofing and hollering and being all excited and fired up every play, ready to go, and just would be mauling his man. Just maul him. I just watched him maul guys.")

Both of these players were asked about Dallas Week now, and both said it still matters, which is exactly what you want them to say.

"It is a big week; I think it's a big week for the current players and the non-active players," Manley said. "It's something still in my craw that I just dislike the Cowboys. I don't quite understand, you've got a fan base here, Washington people here, and most all these people, they be telling me they're rooting for the Cowboys. This is a great tradition here in their own backyard and they sort of neglect the Redskins....You of course are rooting for the guys to go out there and play well and play with a lot of heart and represent the Redskins and the guys who was there before them, and so I'm hoping that they'll do that on Sunday."
"What does this particular game mean? It's big," Grant said. "It's a lot of tradition, a lot of history. At one point this was the biggest rivalry in the NFL, possibly all of sports. Man, this is the week."

(Grant will turn 50 on Sunday; he said his birthday present is "gonna be a win against Dallas. That's all I'm asking for. It's simple.")

Manley was asked whether he could give a pre-game talk to this year's team, if necessary, and he said sure. Which I don't doubt. So long as he doesn't hand out cold medication.
"It's like defending America," he said, summarizing his talking points. "You've got to take the fight to the enemy, and the Cowboys will be the enemy....I think that what's important is that those guys have to have the courage to go out there and persevere and sacrifice, not only for themselves but for this great generation that's here, this legacy that the Redskins have been here since 1932. So many things I could say that these guys can do. Can't be frustrated, just got to be determined."

Manley also appeared on the John Thompson Show, leading Doc Walker to tell stories of Dexter smashing up a locker room at Texas Stadium before a Cowboys game. Doc asked him whether that was his top pre-game psycho moment.

"I think so," Manley said. "No, I take that back, that's probably the second one. The first one, I'll never forget....We had just beat the Minnesota Vikings in the Metrodome and then some reporter asked me about Mike Ditka. It was on a Monday night in San Francisco, he threw bubble gum at a woman in San Francisco, you remember that? Okay so a reporter asked me about this, I said Mike Ditka's a bum, something like that. He came back and said Manley's got the IQ of a grapefruit. So I took that real personal. I didn't think a coach of his caliber, an NFL coach would sort of get into this tit for tat with a player.

"And that [had] a lot of validity. Not that I had the IQ of a grapefruit, but I had a learning disability, I was sort of living this secret life, and he sort of exposed me. People made fun of me. And I sort of made a commitment on that day. I remember, that's the first time Joe Gibbs came to my back for me, and he sort of stood up and said something and we had a team meeting. You should ask those guys. I threw chairs. Joe Gibbs was up talking in the meeting, and I just kind of lost it and then I went out and played a game against the Bears and I challenged Mike Ditka to come on the field."

Jeez, can you imagine the Web traffic that episode would have generated?"

***

This Sunday, the Cowboys will be the better team. They have a much more powerful offense, but it doesn't mean the Skins can't hang and maybe steal it late. The Cowboys are missing their starting right tackle and Ken Hamlin at safety. Because of this, because of the rivalry, and because of regained confidence from last week, I think this game will be decided by no more than 1 touchdown.

Fake the Fake: Redskins 27, Broncos 17

JACKED UP!

I saw some really weird shit on Sunday before the game started. I woke up around 9 or so and went down to the gym for a workout. It was perfect weather, and it seemed like my fellow Cleveland Parkers were excited about spending a day outside, going for strolls, not worrying about the Redskins.

On the way home, I was waiting to cross Connecticut when a bag lady pushing a cart interrupted my listening to the Julian Casablancas album.

Bag Lady: Excuse me, do you have the time?

Me: Its 10:15

Bag Lady: What?!

Me (yelling): Its 10:15!

Bag Lady: Thank you, you have a nice--

Me: Whoa!

Huge effing deer runs across Connecticut and up Devonshire. Not running, more like getting in a leisurely morning jog.

After doing a little cleaning, I felt sleepy, probably from the weird warm weather, and walked down to 7-Eleven to get a soda. Waiting in line was the tall cross dressing dude who wears pretty dresses on his walk to the Metro. But today he was sporting a 1980s hair metal video blue miniskirt for all the young, beautiful children going to the zoo to have nightmares about. I almost threw up and pretended I was shopping for potato chips so I wouldn't have to stand in line next to it.

I expressed my dismay, but Joey wasn't interested in it, and suggested that I take a nap.

Steve came by the condo around 12:50, with his usual 3 inch high turkey sandwich on wheat bread and 2 apples. Way too much fiber, dude, way too much.

4 plays in, on third and 11, Orton had all day in the pocket. Brandon Marshall stutter stepped and Carlos Rogers bit hard, like a pit bull on Thanksgiving. It was such a terrible bite that Marshall probably was wide open by about 20 yards when he caught it. Rogers was benched for Smoot.

Refreshingly and surprisingly, the Redskins offense answered right back with mostly runs from Betts and Cartwright. On one play, Cartwright ran left and made a sweet cut back that went for 17 yards. "That's what I'm talking about! . . . . . I hate when people say that, why did I just say that. I hadn't been talking about that at all so it makes no sense," I rambled. Another nice play was a pass to Sleepy Davis who ran from the middle to up the right sideline to get inside the 10.

On third and goal, Campbell faked an end around hand off to Moss, then rolled right, and fired the ball to Yoder for the touchdown. 7-7.

The o-line today had Levi Jones (who was previously stuck behind Heyer and Williams for no reason that was clear to me) at left tackle and Rinehart (who seems to help get the running game going when he is in despite team treating him like he is super duper bad) back at RG.

The Broncos' Moreno had a big run on the next drive, but after Landry "olay-ed" on a tackle near the sideline, Moreno got excited, cut back into the middle, and got hit hard from behind by defensive tackle Lorenzo Alexander (big props to Alexander for hustling downfield) and fumbled, recovered by Doughty. However, the Skins went 3 and out. Orton went back to pass on first down, and Dan Dierdorf raised play by play announcing voice, meaning we were in deep shit. We were, because DeAngelo Hall and LaRon Landry both went, "You got him!" and Brandon Marshall was left all alone for a second deep touchdown pass.

"What the *$#@!!!!"

Campbell had a great chance to answer this one. Moss bolted down the left sideline, and Dierdorf raised his voice. But the ball was overthrown. I threw a mini-tantrum by walking into the dining area and cursing. I may have also thrown my Nats hat on the floor. On the next Broncos drive, following a punt, Eddie Royal got wide open deep/Dierdorf raised voice. Oh, no, we're totally effed. But the throw went a little too far, and we caught our first big break.

Then, we FAKED THE FAKE

The next drive stalled at the Bronco 35. It was 4th and 20 thanks to an intentional grounding penalty on a throw where Todd Yoder was crazy wide open in the middle of the field and Campbell never looked straight ahead to see him.

Sleepy Davis didn't know what was going on, so they had 10 men on the field and called a timeout after Suisham had split out wide and Smith had walked toward the center, but it seemed like it would be a quick kick. Because of this, Denver had zero reason to be caught off guard by the razzamatazz tomfoolery. But they still were, because we didn't just fake, we faked the fake.

After the commercial, I think they lined up for the field goal again, and but then shifted like before. They snap to Hunter Smith who rolls all the way right and is looking for Davis and another receiver who are covered. Meanwhile, Sellers snuck toward the left, running alongside the offensive line, and then deep left. Hunter Smith pumps hard to the right, and then throws all the way back to the left. Touchdown, Mike Sellers!

The Broncos answered with a pretty solid drive from Orton, who completed a bunch of short/mid range passes. The Skins finally stopped the drive around 10 yard line when Orakpo took Orton down on third and goal--but no only down, but out, because he came down hard on Orton's ankle. This was arguably the

most important play of the game. Denver hit the field goal at the end of the half to make it 17-14.

Throughout the game--actually for about 11 hours on Sunday, Joey sat on the brown chair with a blanket and her laptop monitoring Team Awesome's progress. She was happy she decided not go play Mike Wallace, and ended up winning her match.

Simms' first drive of the second half sputtered despite keeping the ball for 5 minutes. The Skins first drive stalled again in no man's land. I begged, pleaded for the skins to kick the field goal, which would have tied the game.

Steve said, no, we gotta go for the the win. I said, I know, we gotta go for the win and kick the field goal. Instead, they ran to the right with Cartwright. A linebacker field the gap, turning the play into a stretch play, and Brian Dawkins finished it off with a tackle. It was another I can't believe this fucking shit play in 2009. Steve yelled, why can't they ever just do a QB sneak!? But they've never done it even though Campbell is a big dude.

The defense finally stepped up, however--big time, by forcing a 3 and out with a sack by Carter and Orakpo. ORAKPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The next Skins drive started at the nine, but they methodically moved it downfield with some nice runs by Betts, who really seemed to have a much better feel for where and when to hit the seems in the line, and a nice grab by Malcolm Kelly. The red zone playcalling was extremely conservative, but tht was fine with me because Suisham hit the 30 yard field goal to tie it up.

Poor Chris Simms. After a first down, he found himself with a nice pocket, and chucked it deep to Brandon Marshall who was covered by Landry. Then we saw Hall kind of timing his steps like he was going up for a slam dunk or a high jump, and he snatched the interception in the end zone, returning it to the 30.

More methodical movement, with runs from Betts and Cartwright,

and a pass to Randle El, who has absolutely no confidence in his speed. After he caught his pass in the middle he could have kept moving laterally, but he instead he stopped in his tracks and barely picked up the first down fighting through a tackle.

The highlight play was from Idiot Thomas on a third and 3 from the 33 on a smoke route. He caught it, cut inside, did stop-fake, did a spin move throwing off 2 guys, and then stiff armed 2 more guys to get it inside the 10. Thank you, idiot. Great work (no sarcasm).

Betts took it in on 3rd and goal from the 1, getting hit, and lunging for the touchdown. I slapped Steve 5 so hard that he winced in pain from the pulling on his stitches. Oops, sorry.

4 incomplete passes later, the Skins had the ball back with a minute or two left. They played it safe, and kicked a field goal to give 10 point lead. Game over.

Feels great to win. It doesn't feel like 3-6 even though that is exactly what it is. The Cowboys lost to Green Bay and the Eagles lost to San Diego. So guess what? That means its time to figure out where we are in the playoff race, of course.

2 games behind the #6 seat which is New York, Philadelphia, and Atlanta (actually 3 behind them because of the tie breaker). Obviously, losses against NY and Phil. would be backbreakers, but losses to anyone would be backbreakers, so who cayyyahs.

Now, Dallas week.

Ladell Betts: Please accept my apology for saying that you were completely useless. I think you are good.

And finally, Joey was able to put her joy and pride for Team Awesome into song for a Team Awesome fight song.

I'm over it now, it only hurts when I'm watching: Falcons 31, Redskins 17

Somewhere along the way, my hopefulness turned to sadness Somewhere along the way, my sadness turned to bitterness,

Somewhere along the way, my bitterness turned to anger, Somewhere along the way, my anger turned to vengeance--Julian Casablancas

A glimmer of hope came on Saturday, Nov. 7, that things in general might be turning around. My Wolverines soccer team resumed its disappointing season trying to snap a 4 game losing streak. It was perfect soccer weather and my ankles felt pretty good. We went down early, 2-0, like usual, and little did everyone know I was about to unleash a scoring explosion on their ass.

We had a free kick off a foul in our own territory. I saw that John recognized that I wasn't covered and I threw my hand briefly. He hit a perfect line drive through ball down the right center that bounced all the way inside the box. I didn't think I would have much of a shot by the time I ran it down. But before I could come up with a plan in my head, the goalie came out, and I raised my right foot as high as I could and connected with the inside-toe part of my shoe and raised the ball just over the goalie's right shoulder. It took one big enthusiastic bounce and into the net. There is no video or photos of it because Sleepy Jo decided to sleep in for about 15 hours, so these sketches on Ramada stationery will have to suffice.

This made the score 2-1. We fouled a guy in the box, and their successful pk made it 3-1. Then we got another free kick opportunity on our own half. Dan A. kicked it down the left side and I ran on to it from the middle. I had a lot of room to operate once I got the ball under control and I could smell blood after scoring my first goal. I cut it across the middle, faking out a helpless defender, and found a lot more room to strike it. I hid it very solid, but very low and right down the middle. I was extremely surprised and pleased to see that the goalie and moved way too far to his left, leaving the middle of the net wide open. 3-2.






A few minutes later I got the ball again, racing down the right side. I saw the middle was open and one of my teammates was making a run. I played it into space down the middle, he got control of it, and hit it with his left food into the net. 3-3.

Late in the half, Zen and one of the girl players corralled their defender in the corner. I was totally out of breath at the moment so I was just kind of hanging back. The clear attempt went right to my foot. I tapped it once or twice to move closer to the middle, and hit it as hard as I could. There was no pain or discomfort from my ankle as left my foot. I wasn't sure it was going in when I looked up, but I could tell right away I got some beautiful Beckham spin on it. It scraped the inside of the right post, and hit net. 4-3. I reacted by putting my hands on my head like I had missed it, I was so surprised.

I ended up missing a shot at an additional goal later in the game, as did many of my teammates. Of course we couldn't hold the lead, thanks to that idiot Paul who decided not to move as the ball bounced past him. We tied 4-4.

As for the Redskins, it was pretty awful. How many times have I written this? We were supposed to watch at Redskins Club, but on the way to the sushi place, Dad called and said that Steve's car battery had died and he had to wait around his place for AAA to show up. So we turned around on Connecticut, parked by Quebec House, and picked up some gyros at Fresh Med.

Steve showed as that he now had the Red Zone channel, so if Joey couldn't get in her football nap, at least she could follow Team Awesome in real time.

The Falcons started with the ball and easily marched down the field, thanks to a pretty long run down the side line by Michael Turner. On Third and 10, we gave up a 9 yard pass, which made me go apeshit because I knew they would go for it at our 6. They got Haynesworth to jump offsides, and a play or two later, Ryan threw to Gonzales for the td.

We responded the way we know how. Run for 1, run for 1, sack, punt. When Atlanta got the ball back, Rocky McIntosh made a really nice interception, going up in the air in the middle of the zone. But Hope got smashed in the face, as did Clinton Portis who got 2 Atlanta helmets right in his grill. He went out with a concussion, and is doubtful for this week vs. Denver. After that, Campbell threw a pass right to Sleepy Davis' hands, but Sleepy Davis' hands hit the snooze button and the ball fell into the hands of a Falcon who returned it 62 yards for a touchdown.

On the next drive, Campbell threw a really nice pass after he stopped bouncing his nervous feet to Mike Sellers down the middle. The drive yielded a field goal.

I don't want to neglect the fact that Campbell was getting pounded throughout the entire game. He had to come out of the game twice because of his ankle, chest, ankle, and chest. I think the Falcons had 5 sacks in the first half.Michael Turner scored on a run, and then the big sideline fight happened. Matt Ryan was hustling for the sideline on a scramble, trying to get out of bounds before Landry could touch him. Ryan was shoved down before he made it 100% out of bounds. The Falcons got mad of course and the ref threw a flag on Landry. Its bullshit of course. It doesn't matter if you are trying to get out of bounds and everyone knows it. If you aren't out of bounds yet, you can get your clock cleaned. That's football.D'Angelo Hall came over to help, and the Atlanta strength coach started shit by grabbing on to his jersey. Falcons surrounded as things escalated. Atlanta coach Mike Smith stepped up, saying he would kick Hall's ass. Within 10 seconds, other Redskins came over for some shoving.

First of all, Mike Smith should be fined if not suspended. He didn't get involved to break things up, he got involved to start a fight. Second, some people are complaining that other Redskins didn't come over fast enough to help. Hall called it disheartening. He has the right to say that, but other people like LaVar Arrington (who said he would have been running over to get crazy violent regardless of the consequences) who are critiquing the Redskins for their lack of passion and heart are full of shit. Arrington is full of shit. And assuming that Arrington is not full of shit, everyone should remember that Arrington used his passions to not listen to coaches, to not cover fullbacks in the flat on critical fourth downs, and to blitz the wrong gaps, leading the Redskins to non-winning seasons.

Here is a discussion on what it is that makes the Redskins offense suck: Campbell, the o-line, coaching, playcalling, or a combo of all the above

After all the commotion, the Redskins actually played very well in the second half, with two long scoring drives for touchdowns. Marko Mitchell even got in on the act with a couple of catches. Ladell Betts scored on a 1 yard run on 4th and goal.

Landry made a terrific tackle on the next drive to force a punt, and the Redskins went on another long drive, with Betts making some nice carries, and Campbell finding receivers by rolling out of the pocket on play action.

On the touchdown, we thought, Campbell was gonna throw it away as he kept moving toward the sideline, but then Yoder came out of nowhere, snatched it, and got his feet in somehow. I really didn't think he got two feet down and that they would reverse the td call on instant replay, but it held up. 24-17.

Yoder td confirmed

We all got our hopes up. We were totally outplaying them. But then Michael Turner hopped over Landry's pathetic tackle attempt, and scored on a long touchdown. Landry is turning into a really shitty tackler. Its definitely coaching. Landry throws his body at people, but doesn't try wrapping people up around the legs and waist like someone probably taught him years ago.

This week, Denver and Champ Bailey comes to town. I kind of think they are the 2008 Redskins. Playing way over their heads, building castles in air. Maybe the skins can get this one. How many times have I typed this?

After the game, Joey and I walked from Quebec House to get frozen yogurt at TangySweet. We got yogurt chips and strawberries as toppings.

We're the Underdogs

This time we got a hunch,
We're the underdogs--Weezer

Weezer's 7th album, Raditude, was released this week. Like the Redskins, Weezer has played a very important role in my life. Steve was responsible for buying the first Weezer album (the blue album) in November 1994 after he saw the video for Buddy Holly, a song that would later be the final song played at my wedding.

I remember sitting in my basement, playing video games with Steve, icing my swollen face post-wisdom teeth removal, hearing the album for the first time. I really enjoyed it, and then the final song, Only in Dreams, came on. An eight minute epic rock masterpiece with a spectacular guitar climax. Its the sound of doves crying on top of Mt. Everest while eating oreo cheesecake. Holy shit, I thought. I was hooked. I loved his band.

Two years later, they released Pinkerton. 10 songs, 28 minutes of pure emo pop power and raw emotion. This was the soundtrack of my long distance relationship and my missing of home. I would listen to it over and over again in my East Quad dorm while trying learn French.

Then the band took a long break so Rivers Cuomo could attend Harvard. In the meantime, Radiohead arguably became my second favorite band behind the Beastie Boys, I graduated college, and finished a year of law school.

After moving back home, I walked into the old Tower Records on Rockville Pike in May of 2001 and picked up the Green album. Very slick, tight, short power pop songs. It lacked the overflowing emotion of Pinkerton, and the guitar solos matched the vocal melodies verbatim, but still a great album that fans underappreciate. That fall, Joey and I went to the Patriot Center to see their show. They kicked ass, and it was cool to see Rivers starting to embrace his inner rock star.

Rivers Cuomo didn't realize how much the fans loved to hear him shred, so in May 2002, the band put out Maladroit, their hardest sound of all the albums. The power pop chords was still there, and there some undeniably great tracks on the album.

The first legitimate question marks with the band arose in 2005 when it released Make Believe. The story is that this is a product of Geffen Records pushing the band around, and that Rivers though of calling it, Either Way, I'm Alright. Though it has some great songs, it starts out with a screamingly blatant attempt at a hit single, Beverly Hills, and gets way, way too syrupy on My Best Friend.

Three years later, they released the Red Album. Everything's going great until track 7, 8, and 9, which were written and sung by the other members of the band. Tragic mistake. The result was a collection of things that didn't feel like an album, especially when considering the 5 bonus tracks itunes provided for the deluxe package, several of which were much better than 7,8,9.

And now Raditude. Its got some genuinely Weezer pop punk. Some great tunes. But the problem is failed attempt at irony or parody with the song Can't Stop Partying, which includes a cameo rap verse from Lil Wayne. Its awful. Its either Weezer's biggest mistake or a middle finger from Rivers Cuomo to his fans who still demand Pinkerton II.

What does this have to do with the Redskins? The Redskins and Weezer are entities that have had past greateness, are still capable of magnificent things, but need to get their mojo back.

This week the Skins visit Atlanta. The last time the Skins played there, Patrick Ramsey rallied them from a 17-0 deficit to win in week 2 2003.

I've said several times now that I'm calling for/envisioning a 3 game winning streak that gets us to 5-5. I have no basis in football or fact to support this. I'm just going with it. I don't know how they get it done, but it will take at least 1 special teams or defensive touchdown.

So, What Did You Do On Your Bye Week?

Steve's lung collapsed on Wednesday night, Oct. 28. He was finishing a classic Steve workout, and toward the end of a set of crunches, he felt an odd sensation, like he had pulled a really, really important muscle in his chest. After taking a shower, and eating his regular 2 foot high turkey sandwich, he felt out of breath and weak. He thought it might be the swine flu moving rapidly though his body. I told him maybe just show up at Dr. Taubin's office tomorrow morning as I was driving home from basketball.

Maybe an hour or so later, he called me from the emergency room at Sibley hospital. Then he texted me saying his lung collapsed and he was waiting for doctors to perform a procedure: "I have a collapsed lung i'm ok they are gonna do a procedure now."

Me: "Wtf do you need us to come there?"

Steve: "No, im ok"

Joey and I arrived at the ER around midnight or so. I had a panic attack, but I eventually got it together. Steve is and was a tough son of a bitch and was able to handle getting a tube jabbed into him while under local anesthetic, morphine, and some other junk so that his lung could be re-inflated after collapsing into the shape of a mini-football.

The next afternoon, while totally looped up on painkillers, Steve composed the following:

"I am a cocktail.

Toradol every six hours. Oxycontin every twelve hours. Percoset as needed. Jason Campbell needs a lot of Percoset. So do we because just watching him is simply painful. Some would say that he too is a cocktail of disaster. I saw him run up into the pocket with his eyes down the field on Monday night (while I still had two functioning lungs) and I genuinely believe he was And I am all hopped up on drugs and can barely see. In an ideal world, we would have a back up quarterback to provide a spark to the offense, when Campbell suffers from one of his vintage brain and vision farts, but we have none. My prediction is that for next season, Dan Snyder will offer Jim Zorn a lucrative demotion to coach the offense; hire Mike Holmgren to coach and be general manager, and pay Matt Hasselback $40 million to be our starting quarterback for one season. I do not believe we will many games next season.

Perhaps my hospital visit in some twisted way is emblematic of the Washington Redskins this year. Sometimes when things suck, there is a silver lining and there is an opportunity to spend time with and reacquaint with your family. The Redskins could use some time off and should try to make the best of it even if it feels like there’s a big plastic tube in their chest."

On Sunday, Adam and Greg came to visit and watch the Vikings-Packers game and lament the current state of affairs, for Steve, and the Redskins. When one of the teams missed an easy opportunity to intercept a batted ball out of the air, I quickly labeled that a "Redskins interception."

Adam said that he wishes the Skins could get rid of Ladell Betts and Rock Cartwright, and I agreed that Betts is completely useless. He also thought that the next Matt Schaub/Brad Johnson/Jake Delhomme could be the Colts' Jim Sorgi. I totally disagree with that. Adam also thought that if Gruden got hired to coach the Skins, there would be an inevitable ego clash two or three years down the road. I think all the activity from the visitors helped Steve get through a very unpleasant 5 days.

Yeah, you forget about how awful the Redskins are, how this guy can't run a route, how this guy can't block, how you're not gonna see them in the playoffs, etc. when something like this happens. You feel like you're supposed to say to yourself, oh shame on me for caring so much about a silly game, oh where are my priorities. But then you realize, that doesn't make sense. Because its the silly game that brings everyone together to share laughs, and celebrations, strategy, predictions, and pissedoffedness. The silly game is not a small part of the life you make with your family. Everyone throwing up yet? Enough sap for a deluxe pancake breakfast? We love you, little Stevie!

***

Straight from the horse's ass's mouth. Dan Snyder broke his silence on Tuesday the 3rd at some kind of charity thing when he told reporters how bad he feels for the fans. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/03/AR2009110303492.html

"I feel sorry for the fans. And we're very, very appreciative of our great, loyal fan base. And I'm understanding. I mean, we just feel terrible. We're disappointed, and we're embarrassed. And we hope to get it going soon. We're disappointed."

This unexpected communication was followed by the Redskins' announcement that they would be circulating a questionnaire to get feedback from ticket holders about their feelings on the team, the direction the team is headed, the experience at the stadium, etc. I kind of feel bad for the employees who are going to have to sift through the answers. Its gonna be like a man who just regained his hearing going to a Metallica concert and standing right next to the largest speaker tower in the arena.