This Team Sucks: Bills 23, Redskins 0

When babies get their diaper changed, sometimes the fresh air prompts pee.  We started calling it "surprise pee" because it wasn't supposed to happen post-old diaper, pre-new diaper.  But after a while, we realized its just going to happen, no matter how hard you try to rush the transfer.  And you just look down at that cute, smiley face, and you say, "OK, that's OK!  We'll just get you a new one."

The Washington Redskins surprise pee all over the field, all over the fans, all over Toronto, Canada, all over the world.  They don't know any better.  We have to just say, OK, that's OK.  We'll just try again next week.

They can't pass block, they can't run, they can't throw, they can't catch, they can't tackle, they can't sack, they can't cover, they can't kick field goals, they can't return punts and kicks.  Usually, losing feels bad because at some point you had something to be hopeful about.  Maybe it was scoring first, or maybe it was 0-0 at the end of the first quarter. Yesterday, hopes didn't show up at all.

"Here's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, 'Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.' The other one says, 'Yeah, I know; and such small portions.'"

This is the Redskins. Our players are terrible, and we need so many more of them.  We had 1 backup guard that was active against Philly two weeks ago.  When Lichtensteiger got hurt, we had to add guards from the practice squad.  Totally ridiculous.  We needed Dante Stallworth, but not backup guards?   

Young Guns II

I guess the future is now?  By accident?  Grossman, Moss, Cooley, Hightower are out.  In comes Beck, Austin, Hankerson, Paul, Torain.  Can they get it done, though?  Like the other Washington team?

Sulk: Panthers 33, Redskins 20.

 That feelin' goes stealin' down to my shoes
While I sit and sigh, "Go 'long blues"

Why must there always be a problem?--George Costanza

The good lady wife says there is no time to sulk.  There's bottles to clean and whatnot.  I say, look, I'm a Washington Redskins fan.  I'm gonna sulk.  Oh, yeah, I'm gonna sulk big time.  There's gonna be sulking up in here.

We have John Beck as QB.  Two starting linemen out.  Hightower, out. Moss and Cooley, out. Fletecher, out. Should we be cutting this team real slack, and we're just not capable of it?  Nationals fans cut the Nats slack.  Are we incapable of cutting the Skins a reasonable amount of slack?

Why can't we recover a damn fumble when our guys around the loose ball at the goal line outnumber their guys 3-1?  When Orakpo runs into Cam Newton's back at full speed, why doesn't the ball pop out?  What's the deal, physics?!  This is bullshit!  Dude has a mere four fingers on the ball--his helmet is about to fly off!

Stephen Bowen and Brian Orakpo both took the blame, as a defense, for the loss.  Damn right.   Its supposed to be a turnover causing defense.  With 4 linebackers, you give up some rushing yards, but you gain speed when rushing the passer from the outside, and you create more opportunities to double and triple up on ball carriers, which is supposed to knock the ball loose.  8 turnovers in 6 games is terrible, and its particularly terrible when the defense knows that the offense stinks.

John Beck played pretty well at times.  If he plays that well or a little better, the team can win some games.  But holy crap, Kyle Shanahan, give him a chance.  Why have a shotgun formation on every single third down?  So damn stupid.  Have you ever played poker before?

3-3.  Not the end of the world, and I refuse to be all "resigned" and go "same ol' Redskins."  I will not do that.  I will not do that until Mid-November, OK?  We're gonna kick the Bills' ass.  No.  Its going to be really weird.  But we're gonna win 26-20.

Finally, our new official RClub photographer took some great shots. 

Pop Goes the World: Eagles 20, Redskins 13

I told you (all of 2-3 of you?) that Rex Grossman was a highly unstable element that needed to be handled very carefully.  I think I compared him to a moderately trained puppy--he can sit, he can stay...but if you leave the door open a crack, he's gonna run out, spring down the street, and look for squirrels to bark at.  It would be to the dog owner (Kyle Shanahan) to keep that door shut, so to speak, by calling high percentage plays for him and committing to the running game.

People on the radio or internet are saying hats off to the defense.  I could not disagree more.  The defense made it impossible to win this game.  The Redskins offense is not built to come from behind often.  It worked against Arizona, but Rex is a highly unstable element, and it is incumbent upon the defense to keep the team in the game or make plays to keep it close so the Redskins can continue to run.


They never tried to establish the run?  How can you keep trying to run when you are down by 14 and 17 in the second quarter?   That is on the defense.

But yeah.  Rex Grossman's interceptions were horrible.  The first one kind of acted like a punt, but the third one eliminated a golden opportunity to pull within 7 midway through the 3rd quarter.  The last one was a big middle finger to the concept of "taking care of the football."

We knew what Rex was, though.  We knew it when the Skins got him last year, we knew it when he won the job this year.  I'm not saying he should definitely keep his job, but the fans and media should remember this in their wild eruptions of rage.  You can't really get that mad when a tiny puppy craps on the carpet.

So the drama continues, and we we enter into the John Beck era.  If he throws 0 interceptions, 0 touchdowns, but he gets the Skins 175 yards, some field goals, and a running game, they can beat Carolina, get to 4-2, and get back into first place.

Sweep the Leg

The Eagles are reeling.  They are killing themselves out there with bad coaching, turnovers, poor pass protection, and terrible defensive scheming.  They are 1-4 and their season is on the line.  A division win against Washington gets them to 2-4 and within 1.5 games of first place in the NFC East.  A loss, and their lofty expectations and hopes for the 2011 season become nearly impossible.  They are desperate.

In Mike Tyson's Punchout, there was a character called Great Tiger that you had to fight.As wikipedia accurately explains, he can become intangible and spin around the ring at high speeds while punching Little Mac--the so-called "Magic Punch." However, if Little Mac succeeds in blocking this barrage, the spinning leaves Great Tiger dizzy, and he can be sent to the mat with one punch to the face.  The moment is fleeting--Great Tiger kind of stands there making a weird laughing sound, and you have one second to roundhouse him to the floor.


The Eagles are Great Tiger and they are standing there doing that weird laugh.  Its time to hit select+A or select+B or whatever it was.  And knock the dude the eff out.

All Aboard Choo Choo (Ryan Torain Train Etc.) Redskins 17, Rams 10

We won the game.  We were up 17-0 because of a relentless pass rush that yielded 7 total sacks.  Kerrigan and Orakpo were just tearing it up.  The running game was crushing it, particularly because Ryan Torain jumped into the lineup and started wrecking dudes, hitting the open holes in perfect rhythm.

The Rams jumped back into the game after a Rex Grossman interception that was not his fault, and then almost tied the game because of an interception that was his fault.

Rex Grossman is like plutonium.  At this point, you can't blame plutonium for being so potentially harmful. It is not plutonium's fault. After all this time and knowledge and experience, it is up to humankind to take to proper precautions to make sure plutonium is handled carefully and respectfully. 

Its time for Kyle Shanahan to put on a protective suit and handle the plutonium with requisite care.  That means understanding that you can say eff it, I'm going deep in the first or second quarter, but it means you can't say that in a close game in the second half when momentum is hanging in the balance.